©Adults Who Never Learned How To Take Care Of Themselves
(AKA Parents Without Reason)

When children are born as a result of impulses and urges (i.e. emotional needs — something to love — something to love them, something to control, something to “make them happy”, something to calm them down and add stability to their life, something to save the marriage, sexual drive, what married people are expected to do, etc., etc., etc.), two things are not uncommon.

First it is not uncommon that the offspring of these flawed objectives, do not meet the parents expected needs.  Second and more socially compounding, the offspring, born to underdeveloped parents, also live a less developed life and face personal challenges.  These children will tend to receive little guidance in the areas that are essential to developing a strong foundation upon which to build their individual identity to use for establishing their own solid and calculated goals.  The offspring’s goals may not be based upon well reasoned logic and sound values.  Rather, it is more likely that they too will feel overwhelming voids that they will tend to fill with impulse and instant gratification (as they have observed from their parents actions/ministry).

The reason that these children may receive less guidance is due in part to what the parent lacks and unfortunately, when the parent has matured sufficiently to impart guidance, the child has passed the formative years and is resistant to the redirecting that the parent attempts to impart upon the child that has witnessed the actions/ministry of their parents as they evolved through the typical trial and error process of the unguided.

This is by no means intended to be a bashing of the parents, since they too are often the result of being given life under the same premise of filling a void in their parent’s lives.  The parents tend to perpetuate what they have learned during their formative years.

What then is the solution to this cycle of giving birth in the hopes that a child will be the silver bullet to personal need?  Therein lies the rub since there is no silver bullet!  There are, however, things that the victim and the perpetrator can do to minimize the impact, only if they recognize that they are the victim, the perpetrator, or both (more often “both”).

Once this condition of underdevelopment is recognized, there is a wealth of material to guide any “seeking” person toward a better life.  One has only to search the internet for key words (e.g. self-help, etc., etc.) and a plethora of information will display.  The greatest challenge though, is establishing self discipline where there is no foundation for it.  This would be the first building block for anyone who has a strong desire to learn how to take care of them self.  Yes, this is “Parenting 101”, however, it is self-parenting.  Self-parenting is, by the way, essential to learn prior to generating offspring.  The cost of not learning how to take care of oneself is the long-suffering of watching offspring, driven by impulse and desire, flounder and sometimes sink in the directionless sea of life choices that glitter like shinny horizons before us.  When in fact, the only way to reach a shinny horizon is to plan and reach goals one step at a time.

One source containing a wealth of information for laying down the fundamental practices for taking care of ourselves is Talking e-book called Dimensions4Living.  This E-book is especially valuable to individuals that may categorize themselves as having less of a foundation than they needed and are now recognizing this.  But they do not know where to begin to identify and make the changes that they suspect are necessary.  Dimensions4Living actually addresses the essential building blocks for this vital life-work.  The word “dimension” can be interpreted as the “range” as in the range of a life.

In researching, it was found that the word “dimensions” could be substituted with amplitude, bigness, bulk, capacity, compass, depth, extension, extensity, extent, greatness, height, importance, largeness, length, magnitude, measure, measurement, proportion, reach, scale, scope, size, volume, width (Roget’s New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.2.1)).  So, Dimentions4Living is intended to help a person explore and develop the very areas of living that will help them to break the cycle of an unmanaged life and extend the capacity for positive experiences.  A word of caution, this life-work is not for the in-genuine or faint of heart since the operant word is “work”.  However, this life-work can change ones entire context for short-term daily activity as well as for long-term planning, which is something that is often lacking in the unmanaged life, but sorely needed.  Please be aware though that, discipline, managing and planning can result in great rewards, both for the individual, their partner, and for their current or future offspring, as well as for those that one encounters in life

Cassandra M. Dougherty

©Sink Holes

Sink holes surfacing everywhere… Extract the juice from an orange and it will cave in. What do we expect of Earth Mother? We extract and extract with no “good husbandry” plan. Then feign shock as sink holes appear in seemingly unrelated places, not near the point of extract. How blind can we choose to be?

Cassandra M. Dougherty  08/25/2015

©If The World Is Ending Tomorrow –  What Would I Eat?

I would forgo eating in order to ensure time with my loved ones. I go down my list of people to call, while holding my husband’s hand to reassure him. Yes, reassure him that we are at peace with the world and that in an inexplicable way, we will be alright. I have already fed the deer, raccoon, squirrels, chipmunks, birds, and the five outside cats. The eight inside cats and our Dog-Child have also been fed and kissed and hugged. On the phone and Skype, I tell my grandsons in California and Japan that I love them and to find their respective girl and guy and party hard. I assure them that their mom will be OK if only to give them a momentary peaceful feeling. I assure them that she will be in my arms at our moment of departure. As always, I am the positive and reassuring grandmother.

Cassandra M. Dougherty  11/03/2015

©If I Created My Own Holiday

This holiday would be global and it would change the thinking of the world towards “The Good”. The holiday would last for a year and global observance would include not eating meat or dairy, or any other form of living being. There would be thanks given before cutting of plants and mindfulness of the gift of life when boiling tree bark and other essentials of diet.  We would thank Gaea as we pull the orange roots from the ground. We would cook only for the elders who could no longer chew raw carrots and potatoes. All fruit will be eaten after thanking earth for the sweet air we breathe and for understanding how to love.

Cassandra M. Dougherty  11/03/2015

©One Thing I Like About My Town

I like that my town is quiet. My town consists of trees… Tulip trees, Spruce trees, Red Maples Sugar Maples, Black Walnut trees. I see my town burgeoning with life. The Chinese Maple that I planted is growing beautifully and it is taller than me now. My other neighbors mind their business, except at 8:30 am, 10:00 am and 5:00 pm. At 8:30 am the squirrels, chipmunks, birds and outside cats breakfast at Dougherty’s Woodside Café. At 10:00 am the deer snack on corn that magically appears daily, arranged on tree stumps at the Café. At 5:00 pm the raccoons enjoy peanut butter bread and any leftover dry cat food that the grazing stray cats have left behind. Yes, I love my small and bustling town.

Cassandra M. Dougherty  11/10/2015

©What Would I Write About If I Weren’t Afraid?

There is not too much that I fear writing about. Perhaps being “old” has given me a write of passage, at least in my mind. I am comfortable in my skin and have worked through many of my self-created road blocks. Not that it makes living within my skin any easier. I even pull back and first look at crisis (current international and local crisis) from at least 20 thousand feet. Of course, there is initial shock at news of the Fukushima Daiichi reactors nuclear accident and the farmer who refuses to abandon his cattle, even though he knows they and he are doomed to succumb to radiation. I look at the map and my grandson and my nephew should be far enough north and south, respectively, to be safe. I know that there will be much public political “word-speak” until the next big thing, like 911, Katrina, and of course France. My nephew in France is safe. All of the word-speak will exhaust and saturate airtime until the next big event… perhaps Washington, New York, California, Philadelphia, maybe Florida. Or, perhaps Global Warming will take the center stage and eliminate the need for word-speak completely. Abracadabra – I create what I speak.

Cassandra M. Dougherty  11/17/2015

©Snow Storm & Spoty-Dot

The governor declared a State Of Emergency prior to the big snow storm. This was going to be a big one!

Thursday night I went to bed thinking of my outside cat “Spotty-Dot”. She slept somewhere in the woods near my house and ate at my wood side critter café. Spotty-Dot never made eye contact and never came too near me. I knew that she might not survive this blizzard but, I also knew that she was clearly very leery of humans.

When I awoke on Friday morning from dreams of Spotty-Dot coming into our front patio, I knew that it was only a dream since she never approached the house much less the propped open patio door. So, resigned to her fate, I went out to feed her what could be her last meal. As always, I started with dry food in the shelter dish. When I stood up, I notice that Spotty-Dot was doing something I had never seen her do. She was down by our creek and she was romping like a kitten. Each time she would pounce, she would stop and look across the grass at me. Then with leaping strides she would spring part way up the tulip tree, and then she would stop and look across the grass at me. It was clear that she was sending a message to me but, I did not know what the message was and my heart ached for this lovely cat as I longed for her to be safe.

With resignation to her probable fate, while reciting un-consoling words from Buda, I continued to prepare her meal. As I stood up from doling out her food, I could not believe my eyes. Spotty-Dot was walking into the patio! As soon as I was sure that she was far enough in, I rushed in and closed the door. She ran at the door twice and then settled in as if she knew that she was home.

I quickly set up food and water dishes while my husband grabbed one of the spare unhooded litter boxes from the top shelf in the garage and added fresh litter from our eight resident in-door cats.

My heart was filled with joy as the snow began to fall Friday evening and all day Saturday. While snow blowing and shoveling to keep up with the rapidly mounting white powder, I kept thinking about this amazing event and how I had literally dreamed of saving Spotty-Dot, how she sent me playful eye contact “I’ll be alright” messages romping by the creek.

On Sunday, the conservative assessment was about three feet of snow and we had worked hard to ensure that the tree stumps were cleared for corn and sunflower seeds for the deer, birds and squirrels. I was also pleased that there was dry cat food outside for the raccoon to dine on since Spotty-Dot dined indoors.

It is Monday there is still plenty of snow. Spotty-Dot is warm, safe and still hiding but, she will assimilate into our family. I am still asking the universe to explain the apparent telepathy that Spotty-Dot exhibited.  Was she actually present in my dream state?

Thank you universe, thank you Spotty-Dot!

Cassandra M. Dougherty  1/25/2016


6 thoughts on “Musings

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